We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
