It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
