Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize