I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize