Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
