i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
