Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've blown a few things in my day
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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