I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
