I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
