I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
