Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
