their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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