i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
