It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
