Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
