There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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