Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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