Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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