I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
