No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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