You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
