Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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