Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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