if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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