I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
