you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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