her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
