All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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