he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
