oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
