Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
