Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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