I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So many bounce houses so little time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
