after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
