What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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