I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
