I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
