Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
