nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
