I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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