dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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