I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
