apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
