and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
