i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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