home. puking in laundry basket.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
