Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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