There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
