I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and she was petting her beer can
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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