absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
