new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I did not marry a roomba.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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