No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
