don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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