What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
