Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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