So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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