I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
