So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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