your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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