i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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