What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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